CliffsNotes intro: Westboro Baptist Church came to prominence several years ago after protesting military funerals with picket signs reading "God Hates Fags." Megan has recently emerged as a mouthpiece for the group as a result of being young, tech-savvy, well-spoken, and physically attractive in an Eva Braun kind-of-way. She appeared on the PM radar because of her bizarre Twitter argument with comedian Michael Ian Black, followed by the Church's incomprehensible anti-Lady GaGa "parody" video. After exhaustive research (over an hour), I've come to several conclusions: 1. You're not going to change their minds. 2. Any argument or rationale you might attempt will be met with vague, out-of-context bible quotes (similar to when you shake the Magic 8-Ball and ask, "Where should I go to college?" and it says, "Signs point to yes.") 3. They don't see themselves as a hate group because they are trying to help everyone avoid eternal damnation by pointing out what everyone is doing wrong (namely, girls making out at frat parties). 4. It's all good because God is pissed, making earthquakes, and will end the world really soon because guys with mustaches and short-shorts want to get tax breaks while they oil up each other's rippling pecs. 5. Although they are small in number and no one likes them, idiots like me keep giving them publicity because we are amused/outraged, ensuring this mad-cap group of rapscallions will be entertaining/appalling us for years to come (like straight-to-DVD Disney cartoons or syphilis). For more background info, drop some acid and watch this charming documentary. And now, I present a romantic collision of the two most powerful minds of this generation...

Pat Magazine: These questions are a little outside of the box, in attempt to illuminate the real Megan, while still giving you yet another opportunity in the mainstream media to assert your radical, yet well-meaning--although slightly-antiquated and occasionally inflammatory--religious beliefs.

Your current bread-and-butter is to target celebrities you feel are glorified by the public for celebrating evil lifestyles, for example: Lady GaGa--who may or may not be bisexual and forces people to dance in a suggestive manner, and the late Heath Ledger--who was in a movie about gay pirates or something. Besides them, who are the five worst people in America, and why?

Megan Phelps: I get that you’re being somewhat tongue-in-cheek. That said, two points: (1) There’s no question Gaga will screw anything with two legs. She’s loud & proud of her filthy manner of life; just ask Barbara Walters, her whorish mother-in-spirit and fellow teacher of rebellion. (2) Neither Gaga nor any other human can force you to do anything you don’t want to. The truth is that you love the lies and whoredoms taught by every societal leader in this generation (and PS: that’s why your destruction is on you! “The prophets prophesy falsely, and the priests bear rule by their means; and my people love to have it so: and what will ye do in the end thereof?” Jer. 5:31).

On to the list! (Note: There’s plenty of overlap, because I’m kind of cheating on the whole “five” aspect of this question).

(1) Antichrist Barak Obama (also include here every American political & military leader): Obama is the Antichrist, leading this nation and earth to final destruction. At every opportunity, He blasphemes God (e.g. calling the righteous judgment of God on the idolatrous Haitian people “cruel and incomprehensible”), lies about His Word (e.g. implying that the Sermon on the Mount justifies abominable same-sex civil unions), and encourages disobedience to the standards of God (e.g. saying he would murder his grandchild if one of his daughters “made a mistake”). He’s on a quest for world power, which he’ll get and then use to continue his campaign against the God of Eternity, until that God consumes this generation of rebels (“But the heavens and the earth, which are now, by the same word are kept in store, reserved unto fire against the day of judgment and perdition of ungodly men.” 2 Pet. 3:7). See www.BeastObama.com.

(2) Joel Osteen (also include here every American religious leader): Osteen is typical of every lying preacher in this cursed nation: blind, ignorant and greedy. God’s prophets are called “watchmen,” because they’re supposed to warn of the inevitable judgments of God on those who rebel against Him. Instead of that, America has this: “His watchmen are blind: they are all ignorant, they are all dumb dogs, they cannot bark…Yea, they are greedy dogs which can never have enough…they all look to their own way, every one for his gain, from his quarter.” Isa. 56:10-11. You love their lies and they love your money, so you pay these stupid dogs and follow them all the way to Hell...and they happily lead the way.

(3) John Mayer (also include here every American entertainer – I’d like to explicitly include Beyonce and Taylor Swift): Mayer is the perfect face of the American entertainment industry and young people in general. Though he’d like to be esoteric, he can be easily describe in one word: “worthless.” His days are wholly consumed with “the lust of the flesh, and the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life” (1 Jo 2:16), because he is taught (and, in turn, teaches) that the life of every person must revolve around his or her next hook-up. No thoughts of God, no care for your eternal soul, just never-ending self-worship focused on fulfilling any and every lustful, hateful, rebellious thought that enters your head. Read Jer. 13:1-11 for more clarity on the “worthless” concept; you’ll find it there as “profitable for nothing” and “good for nothing.” Fits this generation about perfectly, huh?

(4) Ellen DeGeneres (also include here every American involved in any aspect of pushing fags and same-sex marriage): “Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female, And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh?” Mt. 19:4-5. In other words, “Can’t you read?! ‘Male and female’ is God’s standard for marriage.” In defiance of that standard, Ellen calls herself “married” to another woman. That activity (same-sex marriage) became widespread in the antediluvian world, and that was the final straw that brought on Noah’s Flood, destroying all but eight of the billions of the inhabitants of this world. How could you NOT include this proud pimp of perversion -- and all who follow her example -- in the top 5?

(5) Oprah (also include here every American with wealth and/or influence in the media): I don’t know if it’s possible to be more vain, empty, foolish, and brutish than Oprah. Dubbed “the most influential woman in the world,” she has the blood of millions on her hands. God will require that blood of her (yeah, that’s right; Oprah’s going to Hell!), because she refuses to use the platform God gave her to warn the wicked of the consequences of their filthy manner of life (Eze. 33:8-9). Instead, she uses her award-winning show to discuss such edifying topics as teen sexuality -- complete with explicit instructions for various and sundry sex acts. What the hell is wrong with this hateful witch? Strong delusions given to her by God to repay her hatred and her totally unmerited pride and rebellion against Him – THAT’S what’s wrong with her.

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