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Pat Magazine: It's apparent to me that using intentionally provocative picket signs such as “God Hates Fags” at funerals are just to get attention, so you can lure the viewer in to learn about your other causes, such as “Jews Killed Jesus,” You're Going to Eat Your Babies, and Lady GaGa being partly to blame for 9/11. Is it possible that with your focus on creating negative press (there's no such thing as bad publicity) to feed off of, and your preoccupation with anal sex, you are diverting your time, money, and resources away from more important problems, such as genocide in Darfur, starvation in south Asia, and Hollywood's continuing trend of lackluster remakes of classic horror movies like the upcoming A Nightmare on Elm Street?

Megan Phelps: Our focus is on publishing the truth of God to this hateful generation. Our focus is on connecting the dots for you in such a way that you cannot ignore it. Let’s call the dots that we’re connecting “Point A” and “Point B.” Point A is your disobedient manner of life (proud fags, filthy fornicators, endless avarice and most importantly, your lies about God’s word, etc., ad nauseam). Point B is your GodSmacks (your dead soldiers, your plane crashes, your city-destroying tornadoes, your raping priests, your destructive earthquakes, etc., ad nauseam). Connect those dots (use Eph. 5:3-6; it describes your crimes against God and then says, “Let no man deceive you with vain words: for because of these things cometh the wrath of God upon the children of disobedience.”), and what you see clearly is that you wouldn’t even have such situations as the atrocities in Darfur if you would just freakin’ obey God. So, if you truly cared about the rebels in Darfur and Haiti, you’d get to it!

Pat Magazine: You and your cousin Jael* claim not to be interested in dating boys, partially because of the impending apocalypse. If President Obama turns out to not be the Antichrist by the end of his administration and the rapture/revelation is therefore canceled or pushed back, would you then consider seeking a romantic relationship, if only just to procreate to continue your bloodline and repopulate the church? Describe what qualities you would look for in your ideal man.

Megan Phelps: Let me define “total waste of time, effort, resources and brain power” for you: looking for anyone in the male population of this generation of (proud, base, self-obsessed, head-in-the-gutter, incapable-of-getting-his-undeserved-ego-into-anything-smaller-than-a-professional-football-stadium) God-haters who has [A] a clue about the standards of God, let alone [B] any interest in obeying those standards. When there’s no one who even meets the minimum requirements, it seems downright stupid to daydream about other qualities that would make someone “ideal,” don’t you think? Here’s what I do know: if any of us are supposed to be married, it will be totally apparent and the decision will be easy – just like every other aspect of our lives, which are blessedly simple because our God has put it in our hearts to obey Him.

Pat Magazine: I read somewhere that you like the band Panic! at the Disco, who I think are kind of lame, except that one of their songs is named after the Chuck Palahniuk book Invisible Monsters (which you should read, especially considering that Brad Pitt's character in Fight Club wants to destroy capitalism and reboot society as a whole, which I'm sure you can get behind). What are your top-10 albums of all time, secular, gospel, or otherwise?

Megan Phelps: How about top five? Listing ten diminishes the honor (see recent Oscar nominations).

(1) Voice of Melody in Zion, hymns sung by WBC. These are hymns that convey accurate notions of the God of eternity; they’re hugely comforting, calming, and happy-making. God has given some beautiful voices to people in this little church, and we use them to sing praise to Him. Yay!

(2) Narrow Stairs by Death Cab for Cutie. In addition to the awesome melodies, you just gotta get behind lyrics that speak of “an alarm of impending doom/to warn us it’s only a matter of time/before [you] all burn.” The idea that this earth will soon be destroyed by fire (as promised in 2 Pet. 3:7, quoted earlier) permeates the collective conscience of the people of this earth (and therefore pop culture: movies, music, books, etc.), though they mock us endlessly for believing that promise from God.

(3) A Fever You Can’t Sweat Out by Panic! at the Disco. Again with the lyrics – the ones that show the true face of this generation (lying, cheating, selfish, arrogant) behind a façade of poise, dignity and love (gag!).

(4) American Idiot by Green Day. Good music, but this is ironic, of course. Billie Joe Armstrong has made a career of out “rebelling against the system” – whatev. He helped set up and still maintains the system! America is full of idiots who think their rage, lust, and determination can change the word of God. That God promised to curse you by dragging you into a war you can’t win in order to punish you for your rebellion against Him. Like every other rebel, foolish Billie thinks he can keep the one (his rebellion) without having the other (this unwinnable war that’s killing your favorite idol, the soldiers). Billie Joe Armstrong is the American Idiot.

(5) Sam’s Town by The Killers. I just like it. That’s all. =)

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*Jael requested PM omit a word used to describe her that is a synonym for "pretty."