23/11: What is Pat Thankful for This Thanksgiving?
1. Terri Shiavo's feeding tube.
2. Friends' couches.
3. Making enough money to pay for my sizable library fines.
4. Being allowed in movie theatres alone.
5. Waiting forty minutes for a bus, then getting my pick of the three that magically appear at the same time.
6. Whoever it is that eats half their weight in sunflower seeds on every single bus in the city of Chicago and leaves the shells everywhere, so if I ever need 8,000 sunflower seed shells, I'll have them.
7. Joining a fantasy football league so people will stop taking me so seriously.
8. My bout with internal bleeding, which taught me that I don't need alcohol and/or caffeine to have a good time, I just need a rectal exam.
9. My babymama don't know where I at.
10. Teeth that can bite through the toughest human skin.
11. Naps, over-the-counter sleep aids, intentional fainting; anything that relieves my consciousness of the planet Earth's sorry state and my own shortcomings as a human being.
12. Candy bars, ice cream, drinks that contain lethal amounts of sugar but are available without a prescription.
13. That everyone I know hates their job but are afraid to try something else (myself included). The one person who had the courage to switch--going from a record distribution label to college library front desk manager) now realizes he made a huge mistake. Downgrade!
14. Ballancing my checkbook in my head instead of on paper, so I always get a surprise at the end of the month. (I love surprises.)
15. The fake cancellation of Pat Magazine backfiring like an '85 Pinto with sugar in the gas tank.
16. I still like one current band AND tv show; our culture is back on the upswing!
17. My niece Ashley has yet to crack her fucking head open at Chi-town Sirens roller derby.
18. Every single volleyball team in the Chicago Sport and Social Club Co-ed Indoor 6-man Recreational league automatically makes the post-season, regardless of their record, making my team playoff caliber... EVERY SEASON.
19.The knowledge that there will eventually be a Xena: Warrior Princess dvd box set, if there isn't already.
20. Myspace.com, for giving me access to every single young American with internet capabilities, which in turn raised my ratio of enemies to friends to 29:0, and garnered us over 11 new hardcore readers.
20. PM continuing to wallow in obscurity so we don't run the risk of compromising our ideals.
21. Shitbagging.
22. George Bush Sr. watching the White Sox beat the Houston Astros in person, and he looked visibly upset.
23. Ashlee Simpson's courage, strength, and big, juicy twat.
24. There's still plenty of time for Katie Holmes to miscarry.
25. Her dead fetus will probably be auctioned off on eBay to raise money for hurricane victims.
26. Lottery tickets are only a dollar, and you stand to win millions!
27. Retiring my $80 Hugo Boss cologne after 17 months.
28. The worst has yet to come.
Ashley wrote: