Pat: The Magazine for Guys

16/02: PM Review of Debbie Does Dallas:The Musical by Ashley

Posted by: Pat

Debbie Does Dallas:The Musical
Athenaeum Theater
Feb14-Mar 18
Easy Street Players

Stars(out of 5) *

I went to this production Friday night at 8pm. I originally intended to get high by myself and eat 13 burritos from Flash Taco. Turns out I should have dropped acid and drank 11 cans of SlimFast while jerking off to Full House Reruns. However, I don't do acid or have a television set, so I went to see "Debbie Does Dallas:the Musical."

The first time vomit started to rise in my throat was when I finished my pack of Starburst fruit chews before the show even started. That's truly a horrible feeling because I really love Starburst fruit chews and they didn't have any for sale. Before we entered the theater I thought I'd lost my ticket, but it was in my wallet. That's good, maybe. While I walked 8 feet to see if I'd dropped the ticket Uncle Patrick asked if there would be any full frontal nudity. The ticket girl said "no". Now, maybe it's the lonliness talking, but, I was pretty sad for about 15 minutes. Then, when the cast entered and I realized that if I had a penis it would be the consistency of water I remembered that the internet has a veritable plethora of porn options that don't involve unattractive women. Lately I have been going to Haporn.com. It's free, doesn't give you viruses, and you simply hit refresh until something that doesn't make your eyes bleed appears as a thumbnail. I'm really glad that I found this site. I was really worried about not being able to watch porn for fear my computer would make a proverbial bowel movement on me. I'd strongly recommend Haporn.com to anyone who's not getting any lovin' these days. There are some videos that I would not care to see as I never want to participate in double anal, have a baseball bat in my rectum, or be near a penis ever again. But, I will tell you again, it's a great website. They have a few friendly banners up suggesting that you visit their sponsors. I feel like I'll probably continue to visit this site without ever becoming a member. The only real perk to membership is that you can see movies with running times of over 10 minutes. Haporn.com really helps me get through the night!

Ashley

Comments

raiza blade wrote:

holy crap, this doesn't say ball Saqajawea even once. shame on you.

19/02 02:44:16

CM wrote:

You don't have to like penis to appriciate a baseball bat in someone's rectum. Everybody loves that.

19/02 11:52:53

Kevin wrote:

You know, I don't know why all our articles don't have a porn site reference in them. Pat, I think we lost our the vision of true hard-core journalism. Ashley, thanks for opening our eyes.
And I don't think there's any musical that doesn't suck.

20/02 01:02:31

Danny! wrote:

Why would anyone need to watch an internet porn clip that's over 10 minutes long? Sell off all your stock, I think Haporn.com's business model is faulty at best.

@Kevin - Uh, Evil Dead the Musical?
(I'd have left the link, but some gaytard decided to go overboard on their spamtrapping)

20/02 08:57:48

S. McSomething-Oxland wrote:

See me! Feeeeeeeel meee!

20/02 10:26:04

Pat wrote:

cool, i just spam-trapped myself. i didnt realize it sends you to a weird page written in german making fun of you.

20/02 15:06:37

Pat wrote:

ok, i just deleted all the banned keywords that no one even uses but gets their comments blocked anyway.

whats really crazy is that half-hot blondes were the
theme of my weekend. after having to duck several
times or risk getting hit in the eye with the girl
playing debbie's nose, i had a long talk with a
waitress from exit with a huge nose and a pinched
nerve in her hip, then there was the girl with the
huge nose who waitresses at that one mexican bar next
to louie's (where friends meet) whose boyfriend sang
"mr brightside" at karaoke, and johnny k told him the
following: "the fact that you are able to look exactly
like the guy from the killers but be completely unable
to sing at all is really uncanny." the guy said
"yeah..." and johnny said "seriously, it was bad."
people love us wherever we go. but did anyone else
meet a lot of blonde chicks with big noses?

20/02 15:09:02

Ashley wrote:

I'm really glad that this article is getting the respect and adoration it so genuinely deserves! Thanks, everyone... I was really starting to hate myself until I read your loving words.

20/02 17:05:04

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16/02: PM Review of Debbie Does Dallas:The Musical by Ashley

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