10/10: Hellishly Hot Halloween Costumes!
First, Ashley gave you some great ideas on how to make a sexy get-up with simple, house-hold items, then we told you what your costume choice said about you, and now we bring you a brand-new set of costumes to make sure your treat receptacle gets filled to the rim with sugary substances!
Alice in Wonderplace
Pat: Throw this on, check out your reflection through the looking-glass, and know that everyone wants to fall down your rabbit-hole! Halloween is one big mad tea party, so get out there and shake your jabberwocky, or off with your head! Hike up the skirt just a little and you won't even have to set out any "eat me" signs!
Supergirl
Ashley: Is your body oddly disproportionate? Perfect! Accentuate your football-player-on-steroids neck with this sexy Supergirl costume! Don't worry about the fact that this outfit is not conducive to any sort of climate, temperature, or geographic location; it'll be on the floor of a frat house faster than a speeding bullet!
Disclaimer: This outfit does not give you the power to fly. Even if you've dropped a lot of acid.
Tavern Tease
Pat: Is it your dream to have random guys start conversations by calling you "beer bitch" all night, each thinking they're the first one to say it? Probably, so why not dress up in this provocative, yet occupational ensemble that can also double as an impressive power-suit during job interviews. In fact, you can also wear this as a set of fancier pajamas on those cold November nights when you're lying in bed wondering where it all went wrong.
Sexy Construction Worker
Ashley: There are few words one can use to describe this sexy number: classy, realistic, sexy, and classy. You won't need a stud-finder on your tool belt while you're out on the town this Halloween! Studs won't be able to resist you in this classy, realistic, sexy, and classy ensemble! In fact, there's a money-back* guarantee if you don't get "nailed" by midnight!
Sexy French Maid
Pat: Are you the least creative person on Earth? Can’t be bothered to come up with a remotely interesting or new idea? I don’t even know if house-servants in France even still dress like this, or if they ever did to begin with. They probably just wear their street clothes this day in age. What I do know is that this outfit will always get you attention from married men, and there are always plenty in stock wherever finer adult costumes are sold. If your favorite ice cream flavor is vanilla and you’ve never had an orgasm with someone you were emotionally involved with, pick up that duster and start fluffing!
Sexy Tin Man
Ashley: Nothing screams "Sexy" quite as squeakily as you will while dressed as a Sexy Tin Man! For that constant plea for an oil can you'll be expected to make all night long, simply have a close friend punch you in the throat! Or, go the extra mile and have your doctor puncture it with a scalpel to insure accuracy!!! Here's a money saving tip: Have the doctor remove your heart while you're in the office! You have an HMO, right? No? A PPO? Oh, well, I mean... Girl, you look sexy!!!
Deluxe Sexy Nurse
Pat: Every blood-pressure reading will skyrocket once you step into the room! Bed-pans, IVs, and catheters are your specialty, and soon enough, he'll be begging to take your temperature with his own thermometer before the mercury pops... right up your ass! And if you get paged, let's review: Code Blue=Patient has stopped breathing. Code Orange=Fire! Code Brown=Patient has shit himself. And most importantly, Code Pink=Infant has been kidnapped.
Leopard Thing
Ashley: This Sexy Luscious Leopard is the perfect look for all of you overweight hotties who happen to have sexy shoulders! Ladies, you know you're out there! The boys won't be able to take their eyes (or hands) off of your sexy shoulders! Your sexy shoulders will unquestionably lead to your domination of the sexiest shoulders in a Halloween costume contest! Honey, you work hard to keep your shoulders sexy. Why not show them off this Halloween?
Sexual Camper Girl
Pat: Get all the trick 'r treaters compasses pointing north, pitching tents, and earning their merit badges in knot-tying with silk scarves! Everyone will want to dip their fingers into your box of cookies and the campfires will never stop burning with this costume! But remember, a girl scout should always come prepared, that's why it includes crotchless camouflage panties and a hidden pocket that holds your favorite brand of s'mores-flavored lube!
Sexy Nun
Ashley: "Oh My God...Oh My God... Oh Jesus..." That's what you'll be screaming while having sex with the Mexican bus-boy at your favorite bar this Halloween night! After your fifth Stoli Blueberry and Redbull you'll realize his name isn't actually spelled "Hayzoos," and you're a Naughty Nun... why not please the man upstairs vicariously through his only son?!?!?!
*You will actually get store credit at your local Spooky Halloween Store. Store credit is valid for six months from date of return. Spooky Halloween Stores are open from September 15th to October 31st of each year.
Alice in Wonderplace
Pat: Throw this on, check out your reflection through the looking-glass, and know that everyone wants to fall down your rabbit-hole! Halloween is one big mad tea party, so get out there and shake your jabberwocky, or off with your head! Hike up the skirt just a little and you won't even have to set out any "eat me" signs!
Supergirl
Ashley: Is your body oddly disproportionate? Perfect! Accentuate your football-player-on-steroids neck with this sexy Supergirl costume! Don't worry about the fact that this outfit is not conducive to any sort of climate, temperature, or geographic location; it'll be on the floor of a frat house faster than a speeding bullet!
Disclaimer: This outfit does not give you the power to fly. Even if you've dropped a lot of acid.
Tavern Tease
Pat: Is it your dream to have random guys start conversations by calling you "beer bitch" all night, each thinking they're the first one to say it? Probably, so why not dress up in this provocative, yet occupational ensemble that can also double as an impressive power-suit during job interviews. In fact, you can also wear this as a set of fancier pajamas on those cold November nights when you're lying in bed wondering where it all went wrong.
Sexy Construction Worker
Ashley: There are few words one can use to describe this sexy number: classy, realistic, sexy, and classy. You won't need a stud-finder on your tool belt while you're out on the town this Halloween! Studs won't be able to resist you in this classy, realistic, sexy, and classy ensemble! In fact, there's a money-back* guarantee if you don't get "nailed" by midnight!
Sexy French Maid
Pat: Are you the least creative person on Earth? Can’t be bothered to come up with a remotely interesting or new idea? I don’t even know if house-servants in France even still dress like this, or if they ever did to begin with. They probably just wear their street clothes this day in age. What I do know is that this outfit will always get you attention from married men, and there are always plenty in stock wherever finer adult costumes are sold. If your favorite ice cream flavor is vanilla and you’ve never had an orgasm with someone you were emotionally involved with, pick up that duster and start fluffing!
Sexy Tin Man
Ashley: Nothing screams "Sexy" quite as squeakily as you will while dressed as a Sexy Tin Man! For that constant plea for an oil can you'll be expected to make all night long, simply have a close friend punch you in the throat! Or, go the extra mile and have your doctor puncture it with a scalpel to insure accuracy!!! Here's a money saving tip: Have the doctor remove your heart while you're in the office! You have an HMO, right? No? A PPO? Oh, well, I mean... Girl, you look sexy!!!
Deluxe Sexy Nurse
Pat: Every blood-pressure reading will skyrocket once you step into the room! Bed-pans, IVs, and catheters are your specialty, and soon enough, he'll be begging to take your temperature with his own thermometer before the mercury pops... right up your ass! And if you get paged, let's review: Code Blue=Patient has stopped breathing. Code Orange=Fire! Code Brown=Patient has shit himself. And most importantly, Code Pink=Infant has been kidnapped.
Leopard Thing
Ashley: This Sexy Luscious Leopard is the perfect look for all of you overweight hotties who happen to have sexy shoulders! Ladies, you know you're out there! The boys won't be able to take their eyes (or hands) off of your sexy shoulders! Your sexy shoulders will unquestionably lead to your domination of the sexiest shoulders in a Halloween costume contest! Honey, you work hard to keep your shoulders sexy. Why not show them off this Halloween?
Sexual Camper Girl
Pat: Get all the trick 'r treaters compasses pointing north, pitching tents, and earning their merit badges in knot-tying with silk scarves! Everyone will want to dip their fingers into your box of cookies and the campfires will never stop burning with this costume! But remember, a girl scout should always come prepared, that's why it includes crotchless camouflage panties and a hidden pocket that holds your favorite brand of s'mores-flavored lube!
Sexy Nun
Ashley: "Oh My God...Oh My God... Oh Jesus..." That's what you'll be screaming while having sex with the Mexican bus-boy at your favorite bar this Halloween night! After your fifth Stoli Blueberry and Redbull you'll realize his name isn't actually spelled "Hayzoos," and you're a Naughty Nun... why not please the man upstairs vicariously through his only son?!?!?!
*You will actually get store credit at your local Spooky Halloween Store. Store credit is valid for six months from date of return. Spooky Halloween Stores are open from September 15th to October 31st of each year.
bethie wrote: