1. Magnum malt liquor 40s, which are $1.89 (plus any applicable tax) at 7-11. "Recession" my ass.
2. Two pairs of pants I own still don't have holes in the crotch.
3. Matt Forte.
4. Even though the girl at the Coffee Beanery who used to give me free shit is gone, I will always have my memories of the three-cheese bagel.
5. The Red Eye's election coverage, which let all of yuppie Chicago know the Obama daughters' favorite food (fried chicken and macaroni and cheese).
6. My dick still gets hard.
7. America may have been gullible enough to elect Barack Obama based on an inspiring platform of intangible hippie bullshit, but one thing they wouldn't buy was Christian Slater in "My Own Worst Enemy." Take a bow, USA, and fuck you, NBC.
8. The fearless way in which I've begun to embrace Cheetos.
9. I own socks.
10. You can subsist on an all-carb diet... so far.
11. They haven't changed the recipe for chocolate milk.
12. Duct tape, which still proves useful after all these years. In the last few months, I've used it to seal garbage bags over my bedroom window to slow snow accumulation, to repair the wallet I've had since the 90s so my Jewel Preferred Customer card doesn't fall out, to soften the ragged shards of fake chrome sticking out of the buckle on the belt I've had since the 90s, and when Katie remodeled the apartment by moving the decorative jigsaw puzzles all to one wall.
13. I can play guitar.
14. I have two veteran backup pillows in case something happens to the starters.

15. My furrowed brow wrinkles are now fully-formed between my eyes and appear even when I'm not scowling, so I look like Patrick McGoohan from "The Prisoner," which I've been working on achieving since 8th grade.
16. Hanging out is becoming more socially acceptable by the mainstream.
17. I chanced my last $25 on a ticket to see Shudder to Think in September, and sure enough, I made the money back within a few weeks.
18. I did six chin-ups in March on my friend John's "Tower of Power."
19. By New Year's, I will have read 100 books in 2008, and you will all be sooo jealous!
20. They just released "Friday the 13th: The Series" season one on DVD; not with Jason, but the TV show from the 80s where these people who own an antique shop find out that all the objects they've sold were cursed, and now they have to get them back one by one, using only the power of terrible special effects and bad acting.
21. Chewing gum is still relatively inexpensive, all things considered.
22. Ashley, I still can't find the blue and green plaid flannel cover for my comforter that was on top of the fridge. I swear to God you threw it out!
23. Barnes & Noble still hasn't caught on that even though I sit there for two hours reading every day, I'm not actually gonna buy any books.

More great Thanksgiving lists:

2004: Mike
2005: Jim, Mike, Kevin, Patrick, Ashley
2006: Kevin Whatever, Patrick, Kevin
2007: No one was thankful for anything, the site was down