Physician Assistant You'd be surprised at how much a guy with just a GED and a set of scrubs can get away with in a OB-GYN waiting room on a slow day. PERKS.
Locksmith/Security System Technician 1) Do you own a crowbar? 2) Can you steal a sledge-hammer? If you answered "no" to questions 1 and 2, yell, "LET ME IN!" Did they? If so, you're hired!
Genetic Counselor This is really about listening more than anything else. People's genes just want someone to talk to. In today's fast-paced, hyper-communicative world, real connection can often get lost in all the hub-bub, and Joe DNA needs an objective third party to pour out his double-helix to.
Health Policy Specialist This is basically a lot of refilling condom machines in the bathroom at the train station and giving/receiving urine samples at a general practitioner's, both of which are rewarding in their own way, if you like rubbers and piss.
Landscape Architect This is a nice way of saying, "Mow the lawn for minimum wage." Sadly, there is still currently no way to permanently remove unsightly grass from Main Street, USA. But until there is, you and your team of wonderful weed-whackers are in high-demand.
Systems Analyst You can definitely charade your way through this one without any formal training. To "analyze" something, you basically turn it over in your hands a few times with a quizzical expression on your face, like you're trying to solve a Rubik's Cube that's all one color. If the object is too heavy to lift, take your suit jacket off, get down on one knee, and again look at it very intently. As your eight-hour shift nears completion, stand up with authority and announce, "It's broken." Some peon will obviously ask, "What's broken?" to which you should respond, "The system. I just analyzed it."
Audiologist This is like if you're an expert in just one type of car.
Mediator There was a gay theater kid I knew in college who used to break up every argument on our dorm's floor by saying, "Stop it girls, you're both pretty!" Sure enough, the scuffle would end because the compliment would create a distraction, allowing the participants to realize they were both late for their pap smear. You can get paid for that.
Urban Planner Oh yeah, this field is really blowing up. Plenty of room for more cities on planet Earth, and all you need is a background in playing SimCity in 1989 to qualify. Do you know a good place for a street? What about a fire hydrant? Would you put a fire hydrant here? You're hired!
Clergy This is perfect for today's young and stylish urbanite. Are you emo? You can wear all black. Are you a hippie? You can burn incense all day. Do you like rap or a chanting variation thereof? What about not doing sex? Get thee to a nunnery! It's like a frat but with chalices full of President's Choice brand Merlot instead of red plastic cups full of Keystone Light.
Politician/Elected Official I heard Barack Obama is gonna make over $30,000,000 next year on endorsements from Nike and Gatorade alone! Real change you can take to the BANK!
Registered Nurse I know a lot of babes who are in nursing school right now, but don't sell short the market for UNregistered nurses. America needs you skanks too.
Veterinarian These people euthanize bunny rabbits, do you know what that means? It means murder. If you're that heartless, why not join the CIA as a career assassin? At least then you'll learn ninja skills, such as kicking, turning invisible, and pissing into a bottle in the car without the severe pinching pain that comes from bending your penis like a garden hose. I thought my dick would fit.
Usability/User Experience Specialist This sounds like you basically get paid to go to rehab or some type of addiction treatment facility. Use the opposite approach to preparing for a drug test than you normally would; if you show up negative for hitting the crack pipe like you mean it, you're fucking fired.
Biomedical Equipment Technician Are you proficient in radiographic and flouroscopic x-ray, diagnostic ultrasound, LASERs, mamography, telemedicine, film image processing, nuclear medicine, gamma cameras, positron emission tomography, medical imaging, computed topography, electron microscope, picture archiving and communication systems, magnetic resonance imaging instrument, physiological monitoring, sterilization, anesthesia, dialysis, and respiratory services technology? You're hired!
School Psychologist The good: easy access to hot cheerleader poontang pie, the bad: meetings, the ugly: you could be indirectly responsible for the next Columbine-style massacre. Roll the dice carefully, doc.
Pharmacist Free Vicodin. Worth a look.