29/03: Health Care Deform: A Roundfable Discussion (Part 1)
Pat Magazine: Welcome to another PM political round-table discussion. We are gathered today at the Burger King on Western and Diversey, where they have been good enough to give us all samples of the new Cilantro Lime Fish Sandwich. Today's topic is the explosive new health care underhaul currently shaking the country to its very foundation--if not even further down below the foundation, through the bedrock, and all the way to the Earth's golden-brown, buttery crust. Democrats like this bill because they think it will help Americans afford their medical bills, Republicans don't like it because... well, I'm not sure exactly. Something about taxes and liberty and Armageddon. Of course, there are always three sides to every story, but the mainstream media only has the time, money, and resources to report the first two, which leaves most people in the dark, but with a flashlight. You see, if you have a flashlight, you think it's alright because you can still find the toilet and the fridge and even your contacts case, but trust me, there is plenty you're not seeing, like the nail sticking up through the floorboards that you're about to step on. How's that for a well-crafted metaphor? Not that great actually, and kind of out of context. Let's introduce our participants in this inflammatory and itchy verbal intercourse. First of all, we have up-and-dumbing pop sensation, Ke$ha.
Ke$ha: Now the party don't start 'til I walk in!
Pat Magazine: Next, contributing journalist for truthdig.com, and author of American Fascists: The Christian Right and the War on America, Chris Hedges.
Chris Hedges: The claims made by the proponents of the bill are the usual deceptive corporate advertising. The bill will not expand coverage to 30 million uninsured, especially since government subsidies will not take effect until 2014. Families who cannot pay the high premiums, deductibles and co-payments, estimated to be between 15 and 18 percent of most family incomes, will have to default, increasing the number of uninsured. Insurance companies can unilaterally raise prices without ceilings or caps and monopolize local markets to shut out competitors. The $1.055 trillion spent over the next decade will add new layers of bureaucratic red tape to what is an unmanageable and ultimately unsustainable system.
Pat Magazine: Whoa, whoa, whoa, easy there, Chris. You have to wait for me to ask a question or I will kick you right the fuck off this panel. Our third guest has been in the news a lot lately, please welcome the penis of golf champion Tiger Woods.
Tiger Woods's Cock: Great to be here, Patrick!
Pat Magazine: And finally, it's my pleasure to introduce every single Conservative you will ever talk to.
Every Single Conservative You Will Ever Talk To: Barack Obama is an illegal immigrant from Mexico, he should be deported.
Pat Magazine: My first question is for Ke$ha. What is your medical history, and are you currently insured?
Ke$ha: Wake up in the morning feeling like P Diddy. Grab my glasses, I'm out the door, I'm gonna hit this city.
Pat Magazine: Sure, you're young now, you have your health, but have you thought about the future?
Ke$ha: Before I leave, brush my teeth with a bottle of Jack, 'cause when I leave for the night I ain't comin' back.
Pat Magazine: Exactly, you will probably develop cirrhosis or kidney or stomach trouble in a few years, and your insurance company will deny you coverage because being born with a liver is a pre-existing condition, and there are loopholes in this bill that can be exploited in that regard.
Chris Hedges: The 45,000 Americans who die each year because they cannot afford coverage will not be saved under the federal legislation. Half of all personal bankruptcies will still be caused by an inability to pay astronomical medical bills. The only good news is that health care stocks and bonuses for the heads of these corporations are shooting upward. Chalk this up as yet another victory for our feudal overlords and a defeat for the serfs.
Every Single Conservative You Will Ever Talk To: Every citizen who doesn't pay for this terrifying Obamacare will go to jail for life! INCLUDING WHITES!
Tiger Woods's Cock: But I thought this was going to give people free health care or something, isn't this a victory against the insurance companies that have constantly screwed over “the little guy” who pays for the insurance every month only to get told to go fuck themselves once they actually get sick?
Chris Hedges: The bill is about increasing corporate profit at taxpayer expense. It is the health care industry’s version of the Wall Street bailout. It lavishes hundreds of billions in government subsidies on insurance and drug companies. The bill is another example of why change will never come from within the Democratic Party. The party is owned and managed by corporations. The longer we tie ourselves to the Democrats the more ridiculous and impotent we appear.
Pat Magazine: Before they finally voted on the bill, Republican pressure on the Democrats—who have control of congress and the Presidency—forced Obama to take out a bunch of stuff, including the public option, which was what the whole argument was about in the first place, so I don't know why they even bothered to continue the charade. Why put maintaining the status quo to a vote? The public option would've given everyone the chance to buy supposedly affordable health insurance from the government. Republicans were against this because they said it would increase taxes, even though they don't pay taxes anyway. That would've been slightly better than what we got, but it's still bullshit because most of the other cool industrialized nations in the world have free universal health care for all, and if we're the greatest country on earth--like I'm always telling my heroin dealer--we should have that. Your thoughts, Ke$ha?
Ke$ha: I'm talking pedicure on our toes, toes. Tryin' on all our clothes, clothes. Boys blowin' up our phones, phones.
Dennis Kucinich: Put the public option back in. Give the people a chance to really negotiate rates with the insurance companies. But don’t just tell the people that you’re going to call this health care reform, when you’re giving insurance companies an even more powerful monopoly status in our economy.
Pat Magazine: What is Kucinich doing here? There are already too many people to keep track of, Dennis, you have to go. Help yourself to some onion rings on the way out, though.
Every Single Conservative You Will Ever Talk To: I heard someone on TV say that they read somewhere that 1/3 of U.S. physicians swore to resign if this bill passed. That means that 1/3 of U.S. physicians are about to resign, probably to become either bus drivers or to work at Kinko's.
Chris Hedges: The Washington Post reported that up to 30 members of Congress from both parties who hold key committee memberships have major investments in health care companies totaling between $11 million and $27 million. President Barack Obama’s director of health care policy, who will not discuss single payer as an option, has served on the boards of several health care corporations. And as salaries for most Americans have stagnated or declined during the past decade, health insurance profits have risen by 480 percent.
Pat Magazine: Physicians For a National Health Program defines single payer as “a system in which a single public or quasi-public agency organizes health financing, but delivery of care remains largely private. Under a single-payer system, all Americans would be covered for all medically necessary services, including: doctor, hospital, preventive, long-term care, mental health, reproductive health care, dental, vision, prescription drug and medical supply costs. Patients would regain free choice of doctor and hospital, and doctors would regain autonomy over patient care.” That sounds pretty good, why don't we have that?
Chris Hedges: Obama and the congressional leadership have consciously shut out advocates of single payer from the debate. The press, including papers such as The New York Times, treats single payer as a fringe movement. The television networks rarely mention it. And yet between 45 and 60 percent of doctors favor single payer. Between 40 and 62 percent of the American people, including 80 percent of registered Democrats, want universal, single-payer not-for-profit health care for all Americans. The ability of the corporations to discredit and silence voices that represent at least half of the population is another sad testament to the power of our corporate state to frame all discussions.
Tiger Woods's Cock: Ain't that a bitch.
Pat Magazine: So, to summarize the past few months, Obama and the Dems in congress--who are supposed to be humanists and fight for those who have little or no access to affordable health care--drafted this “reform” bill that completely ignored the idea of universal health care. It originally did have the public option, but then they took it out because they are useless cowards. The watered-down bill passed, so liberals are excited like they won the Superbowl, even though it's a complete failure compared to what they could've and should've done. Conservatives are also furious and think we've been annexed as a communist Russia satellite state, even though they've proven they still own Obama, their donors in the corrupt insurance industry still have America by the balls, and a bunch of sick U.S. citizens will continue to die needlessly. Am I missing something here?
Every Single Conservative You Will Ever Talk To: You remember hearing about “death panels,” right? Well I have reason to believe that they have now upped the ante, and are working on some insidious new big government plan called “double death,” in which patients can actually be killed, then resuscitated, then killed again.
Tiger Woods's Cock: I just threw up something green, and I don't think it was the Cilantro Lime Fish Sandwich.
Pat Magazine: I'm pretty sure that's a symptom of Gonorrhea.
Ke$ha: It is.
Pat Magazine: Well, that's a good enough place to stop for today, but this debate isn't over yet. Come back later this week for the conclusion, in which I cut and paste even more sections from other people's articles.
To be continued!
Ke$ha: Now the party don't start 'til I walk in!
Pat Magazine: Next, contributing journalist for truthdig.com, and author of American Fascists: The Christian Right and the War on America, Chris Hedges.
Chris Hedges: The claims made by the proponents of the bill are the usual deceptive corporate advertising. The bill will not expand coverage to 30 million uninsured, especially since government subsidies will not take effect until 2014. Families who cannot pay the high premiums, deductibles and co-payments, estimated to be between 15 and 18 percent of most family incomes, will have to default, increasing the number of uninsured. Insurance companies can unilaterally raise prices without ceilings or caps and monopolize local markets to shut out competitors. The $1.055 trillion spent over the next decade will add new layers of bureaucratic red tape to what is an unmanageable and ultimately unsustainable system.
Pat Magazine: Whoa, whoa, whoa, easy there, Chris. You have to wait for me to ask a question or I will kick you right the fuck off this panel. Our third guest has been in the news a lot lately, please welcome the penis of golf champion Tiger Woods.
Tiger Woods's Cock: Great to be here, Patrick!
Pat Magazine: And finally, it's my pleasure to introduce every single Conservative you will ever talk to.
Every Single Conservative You Will Ever Talk To: Barack Obama is an illegal immigrant from Mexico, he should be deported.
Pat Magazine: My first question is for Ke$ha. What is your medical history, and are you currently insured?
Ke$ha: Wake up in the morning feeling like P Diddy. Grab my glasses, I'm out the door, I'm gonna hit this city.
Pat Magazine: Sure, you're young now, you have your health, but have you thought about the future?
Ke$ha: Before I leave, brush my teeth with a bottle of Jack, 'cause when I leave for the night I ain't comin' back.
Pat Magazine: Exactly, you will probably develop cirrhosis or kidney or stomach trouble in a few years, and your insurance company will deny you coverage because being born with a liver is a pre-existing condition, and there are loopholes in this bill that can be exploited in that regard.
Chris Hedges: The 45,000 Americans who die each year because they cannot afford coverage will not be saved under the federal legislation. Half of all personal bankruptcies will still be caused by an inability to pay astronomical medical bills. The only good news is that health care stocks and bonuses for the heads of these corporations are shooting upward. Chalk this up as yet another victory for our feudal overlords and a defeat for the serfs.
Every Single Conservative You Will Ever Talk To: Every citizen who doesn't pay for this terrifying Obamacare will go to jail for life! INCLUDING WHITES!
Tiger Woods's Cock: But I thought this was going to give people free health care or something, isn't this a victory against the insurance companies that have constantly screwed over “the little guy” who pays for the insurance every month only to get told to go fuck themselves once they actually get sick?
Chris Hedges: The bill is about increasing corporate profit at taxpayer expense. It is the health care industry’s version of the Wall Street bailout. It lavishes hundreds of billions in government subsidies on insurance and drug companies. The bill is another example of why change will never come from within the Democratic Party. The party is owned and managed by corporations. The longer we tie ourselves to the Democrats the more ridiculous and impotent we appear.
Pat Magazine: Before they finally voted on the bill, Republican pressure on the Democrats—who have control of congress and the Presidency—forced Obama to take out a bunch of stuff, including the public option, which was what the whole argument was about in the first place, so I don't know why they even bothered to continue the charade. Why put maintaining the status quo to a vote? The public option would've given everyone the chance to buy supposedly affordable health insurance from the government. Republicans were against this because they said it would increase taxes, even though they don't pay taxes anyway. That would've been slightly better than what we got, but it's still bullshit because most of the other cool industrialized nations in the world have free universal health care for all, and if we're the greatest country on earth--like I'm always telling my heroin dealer--we should have that. Your thoughts, Ke$ha?
Ke$ha: I'm talking pedicure on our toes, toes. Tryin' on all our clothes, clothes. Boys blowin' up our phones, phones.
Dennis Kucinich: Put the public option back in. Give the people a chance to really negotiate rates with the insurance companies. But don’t just tell the people that you’re going to call this health care reform, when you’re giving insurance companies an even more powerful monopoly status in our economy.
Pat Magazine: What is Kucinich doing here? There are already too many people to keep track of, Dennis, you have to go. Help yourself to some onion rings on the way out, though.
Every Single Conservative You Will Ever Talk To: I heard someone on TV say that they read somewhere that 1/3 of U.S. physicians swore to resign if this bill passed. That means that 1/3 of U.S. physicians are about to resign, probably to become either bus drivers or to work at Kinko's.
Chris Hedges: The Washington Post reported that up to 30 members of Congress from both parties who hold key committee memberships have major investments in health care companies totaling between $11 million and $27 million. President Barack Obama’s director of health care policy, who will not discuss single payer as an option, has served on the boards of several health care corporations. And as salaries for most Americans have stagnated or declined during the past decade, health insurance profits have risen by 480 percent.
Pat Magazine: Physicians For a National Health Program defines single payer as “a system in which a single public or quasi-public agency organizes health financing, but delivery of care remains largely private. Under a single-payer system, all Americans would be covered for all medically necessary services, including: doctor, hospital, preventive, long-term care, mental health, reproductive health care, dental, vision, prescription drug and medical supply costs. Patients would regain free choice of doctor and hospital, and doctors would regain autonomy over patient care.” That sounds pretty good, why don't we have that?
Chris Hedges: Obama and the congressional leadership have consciously shut out advocates of single payer from the debate. The press, including papers such as The New York Times, treats single payer as a fringe movement. The television networks rarely mention it. And yet between 45 and 60 percent of doctors favor single payer. Between 40 and 62 percent of the American people, including 80 percent of registered Democrats, want universal, single-payer not-for-profit health care for all Americans. The ability of the corporations to discredit and silence voices that represent at least half of the population is another sad testament to the power of our corporate state to frame all discussions.
Tiger Woods's Cock: Ain't that a bitch.
Pat Magazine: So, to summarize the past few months, Obama and the Dems in congress--who are supposed to be humanists and fight for those who have little or no access to affordable health care--drafted this “reform” bill that completely ignored the idea of universal health care. It originally did have the public option, but then they took it out because they are useless cowards. The watered-down bill passed, so liberals are excited like they won the Superbowl, even though it's a complete failure compared to what they could've and should've done. Conservatives are also furious and think we've been annexed as a communist Russia satellite state, even though they've proven they still own Obama, their donors in the corrupt insurance industry still have America by the balls, and a bunch of sick U.S. citizens will continue to die needlessly. Am I missing something here?
Every Single Conservative You Will Ever Talk To: You remember hearing about “death panels,” right? Well I have reason to believe that they have now upped the ante, and are working on some insidious new big government plan called “double death,” in which patients can actually be killed, then resuscitated, then killed again.
Tiger Woods's Cock: I just threw up something green, and I don't think it was the Cilantro Lime Fish Sandwich.
Pat Magazine: I'm pretty sure that's a symptom of Gonorrhea.
Ke$ha: It is.
Pat Magazine: Well, that's a good enough place to stop for today, but this debate isn't over yet. Come back later this week for the conclusion, in which I cut and paste even more sections from other people's articles.
To be continued!